Here’s a confession: When I was younger, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I got older, and I would always answer “I want to be rich”. That was the bottomline. This was before the great recession, so when people followed up and asked how I would get there, I would tell them that I would be a real estate agent. I would flip homes that would end up on HGTV and ride off into the sunset in my Jeep Wrangler, weaving through LA traffic.

Looking back as an adult on my younger self, I have an idea as to why that was my response. Financial trauma, the concept of not having enough from an early age was deeply ingrained in me. I was convinced that if I made enough money, I wouldn’t have any of the stresses that my parents did, and therefore, I would be happy. Watching the financial toil of two African immigrants made me acutely aware of how painful penny pinching could be, and I was committed to not recreating the dynamic. I know that this character flaw of mine has made me unpleasant to be around at times. As I sought to create abundance, I subconsciously manifested scarcity. This is something I’m working to rectify in my life. This blog post is a look into my experience.

The idea of “how much money is enough money” came to my mind last week. Bruno Mars has a song in which he says (or whines, rather) “I want to be a millionaire so bad… buy all of the things I never had…” He then goes on to discuss how we would travel, spend time with famous people, and galavant generally.

As the song ran through my head, I took a moment to ask myself why Bruno Mars would write that song – surely he was already a millionaire, as he’s written some of the most recognizable songs of our generation, many of which have been streamed more than 1 Billion times.

It was only when I Googled the song that I realized he wanted to be a Billionaire, not simply a millionaire, which he surely already was.

No one is content with what they have.

I’ve been guilty of this at points in my own life. There are times today when I get into “when I’m rich” mode, thinking about all of the things I’ll buy, the places I’ll go, and the even more beautiful people I’ll meet once my bank account says a certain number. I’ll surely never feel the shame of not having infinite resources at my disposal. I’ll be able to take anyone on a date anywhere, go to any country anytime, etc.

It’s no question that our culture has come to worship money. We see money as one of the ultimate indicators of success. There’s a list of the people who have the most money in the world, and which businesses are worth the most.

The most beautiful stories we all want to be a part of are the “rags to riches” stories, while we avoid the “going broke” ones, as well as those who experience it.

When I was in college, I met a millionaire.

I was living in New York, and I’d spent the summer at my internship reading his blog posts about how he had made millions, only to lose millions, then make it back again, several times over. I saw his writing as a cautionary tale. “When I graduate from college, I’m going to make millions and keep them, keep my marriage, and maintain a work life balance”. These delusions of grandeur propelled much of my youth, and they still do.

One day in August, I was getting ready to do my first comedy show at Stand Up NY, and I saw him crossing the street. I yelled his name and told him how I’d devoured his whole website. I asked him to sit down with me, sure that I would extract some wisdom that would aid me in my journey towards millions, and later BILLIONS (See you at the top, Bruno). We sat at the bar (I wasn’t even 21), and he talked to me about what his life was actually like, and I realized that even though he was surely a millionaire (he was living in a penthouse across the street at the time), he was still brutally unhappy. The cliches were evident. He was onto his third marriage. He was distant from his kids. He had all sorts of tips and tricks about running his business and seeking balance in life, but he was eternally yoked to the concept of wealth.

Many of us are this way. I know I am. I live in New York, I work in an industry which cherishes consistent consumption, and I’ve witnessed connections boil down to the tangible assets one can offer another.

I don’t have an answer about how we as a people can solve this dynamic. Maybe it’s the way life is just meant to be. Whenever I find myself chewing on this riddle, I remember what God said when he cast Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden. That they would be destined to struggle against the earth, and constantly feel like they were lacking.

By virtue of the fact that you’re reading this article on a laptop or phone, it’s safe to assume you are already wealthier than at least 1/3rd of the world.. But, assume you did get truly rich, like millions in the bank, rich.

What would you do? Would you buy a few Louis bags to flex, book flights all over the world, get courtside seats to the Lakers game to watch Lebron teach Dylan Brooks a lesson, buy a huge house you didn’t need, then go broke and realize that all along, you were trying to fill some internal void with external things?

Or.. would you humbly appreciate what you have and then go inside, give your spouse a hug and kiss, and enjoy a plate of homemade pasta with ragu?

Whatever you choose, hopefully this blog post gave you some valuable free knowledge and insight.

Peace,

Raman.