Contractors are like God. They come at a time when you least expect them, they come like a thief in the night. If you had known the hour at which they cometh, you would have been ready. But as it was, you could not keep watch for more than an hour - after all YOU ALSO have a full time job to attend - so they came and they went. (Probably after puttering around for a minute or two, having a quick cigarette, then seeing no one home, ascending back in their truck and leaving)

After that, they were more difficult to get a hold of. But they assured you in a voicemail that:

“One day I will return, and when I do, all things will be made new again

I will undo all the damage that was done by the shoddy craftsmanship of the last guy

And restore the broken pieces from our own botched job (which was not our fault)

And on that day you will know that I AM CONTRACTOR

For my thoughts are higher than your thoughts

My ways are higher than your ways

Who has measured the heights of the pitch of your roof?

And who has plumbed the depths of your leaky crawl space?

Who can know the length of your HVAC system’s lifecycle?

And who holds the width of two equally placed studs in the palm of his hand?

Is it not I?… THE CONTRACTOR?

Are you able to carry drywall up and down stairs?

Do you have a Pro Account at Home Depot?

Have you poured concrete on a thousand hills?

Surely not, sayeth the CONTRACTOR

For when thou said, ‘I’ll bet I could figure this out myself.’

Or, ‘Maybe I should explore my options with another contractor’

Surely thou spoketh of things ye did not understand

Things too wonderful for ye to know

Such knowledge is too high for thee,

It is high, ye cannot attain it

For your college degree and computer skills, and adherence to the norms of human interaction

are as filthy rags

They wither up like a leaf and blow away in the wind

No, no

Don’t try to fix it yourself or go with someone else

For on the day you do, you shall surely die

Behold! Your groanings reached my ears

Your subtle threats of a poor google review came to my attention.

And so I offered to you MY SON, MY ONLY SON, WHOM I LOVE

Who is technically co-owner of the company,

whose name is on the side of the work trucks…

…but knows little to nothing about construction

He spoke many kind words to you

And performed many signs and wonders

(that were unrelated to the structural damage we caused during the course of our work)

But ye would not accept him...

You said “He’s a nice enough guy,

but what would really be great would be to have this project finished!

And also, why has the stone we originally rejected

Become the cornerstone?”

(Well, the reason is we already had one of those stones laying around and we thought we could reuse it. I mean, materials are WAY MORE expensive post-pandemic! Have you seen the price of lumber!!?)

So in the meantime, I am sending to you my assistant, THE HELPER

It is not for you to know the times or seasons that I have fixed for him to come

But it will likely be on either Tuesday, Thursday, or Friday between the hours of 8am and 7pm.

Stay where you are and wait for his coming.

You are to cease from all work, or planning ahead, or creating a schedule

For he will notify you that he’s “in your area” and will be there in three minutes…

…after that quick message, he won’t show for another two and a half hours.

You will receive power from on high

A renewed hope that things are moving forward

As he tinkers with whatever we’ve been working on

And tells you he needs to “pick up another part” and he’ll be back in about ten minutes

(that was the last time you saw him)

Thus sayeth the CONTRACTOR.”

(end of message)

No eye has seen, no ear has heard from him in weeks

He vanished before our eyes the moment that final check cleared

Why do you seek the unpaid among the paid?

Now we stare into the sky, eagerly awaiting his return