How to Bomb

“People didn't pay to laugh, they paid to be entertained and public failure is one of the oldest and most revered forms of entertainment, with a rich history and tradition.”

-Drew Fralick, I Hung My Harp On the Willow Tree

Sure, no one laughed during your set. And yeah, it kinda seemed like quite a few people started looking at their phones and some headed to the bar for another drink when you were up there. It was silent for seven whole minutes except for a lady in the corner booth who had a slight cough, and when you walked offstage all the other comics averted their eyes from you.

But that doesn’t mean you bombed. Quite the opposite in fact!

Because things like laughing out loud, smiling, or clapping are only a narrow slice in the wide range of ways that people express their enjoyment of someone’s comedy. As far as other ways go, well nothing comes to mind immediately, but surely they exist. You’ll have to do a little research on your own to find out just what that may look like.

And also, you’ll never know how your comedy may have impacted someone. They may have mostly appeared bored – arms crossed, yawning, and looking at the ceiling – but I’ll bet someone out there heard what you were trying to say. They got you on a deeper level, and they understand what you’re trying to tell people. They know the difficulty and nuance of the tough topics you’re trying to tackle.

This person will look back on your seven-minute set as an important turning point in their lives. Years later when you’ve both moved to other sides of the country they’ll come find you just to thank you for what you said that evening. Though you won’t recall which jokes you told (was it the one about a racist person who you got into a heated argument with only to find out at the end of the joke he’s your dad (who is also working at McDonald’s) or was it that classic bit about prayer and Spirit Airlines ? ), it won’t matter. What matters is you did your job as a comedian, which is to ignore the 99 other people in the room to go find the one lost sheep of an audience member who sees you for what you truly are.  

And yeah, if no one laughed, well that just goes to show people aren’t going to be able to hear the truth unfiltered. Society is not yet ready for the boldness of your naked convictions. And believe me, it’s going to be an uphill battle saying the edgy things you’re putting out there.

Let’s get one thing straight - comedy is not about telling jokes or making people laugh. Who on earth told you that? It’s about thoughtful commentary, mixed with stories about you and your stepmom getting into arguments.

But, for the sake of thoroughness and rational objectivity let’s suppose for a moment that you did just bomb (which I seriously doubt is the case, but as I said we want to cover all our bases). Is it really your fault?

Answer: No.

No one could reasonably hold you responsible for bombing in such dire circumstances as these.

First off, the chairs were in a weird formation, and the lights were all out of whack. Who set this room up anyhow? We should have a good talk with them afterwards and let them know that comedy is, in fact, a highly fragile art form and needs certain conditions to exist.

On top of that, this audience was no good. Who can say what’s going on with them this evening?

Do I look like a mind reader!? How would I know!?

But clearly, they’ve got some things going on in their lives right now. Personal issues and struggles that, quite frankly, have absolutely nothing to do with you or your material. They’ve brought these issues and their bizarre mojo to the show, where it has thrown off all the hilarious and brilliant things that you were doing from the stage this evening.

Yes, if anyone is to blame it’s this lousy audience. Don’t they know that comedy is a two-way street? They’ve got to laugh damnit! And if they’re not that into it (probably because they’re a bunch of uptight losers who nobody really cares for anyhow), they need to fake it until they make it! Even if you don’t think it’s funny just laugh at the jokes! Laugh and clap and give us a few applause breaks. Let’s get the energy up a bit. How about you just clap for yourselves for a moment? Why not!? You know what, give yourselves a round of applause for coming out tonight. What a great thing you’ve done coming out. You could’ve done anything or been anywhere, but you chose to be here with us. That’s great.

But even after that, they seemed flat. These people, these wretched, tight-lipped, hateful people. Why aren’t they laughing!? The material is good!! It’s time tested, award winning material and they just seem to hate life.

Oh, and don’t even bother waiting for the other comics to show you some support. Psshhh!!! Are you kidding me? They’re some of the stingiest laughers out there, probably because their souls are dead from re-watching Louis CK specials over and over. No, they won’t help you along by laughing because to do so would be aiding and abetting the enemy. They’ll just leave you hanging out to dry. Bunch of sore losers! Jealous nobodies! They’re obviously annoyed because EVERYBODY on this scene knows you’re way better than them.

And also, you’re not bombing, it’s just a weird night at club.

Anyhow, it can’t all be gold. And what do these people expect anyhow? It’s a free show! You ever been to a garage sale dummy? The free bin is also hit or miss, need I remind you. Some stuff is going to be pretty good: you may find a few gems in there but mostly it’s not that great. That’s what this show is, the free bin. And don’t try to delude yourself, remember - you get what you pay for!

What’s that? It’s a paid show??  Well I gotta get outta here, but I’ll leave you with this.

Comedy cannot end badly, it can only end well. Sometimes, that looks like laughing til you crap yourself and clapping loudly while rocking back and forth in your chair. But there will be gentler times as well, mellower times.

Many people said after September 11th that what the world needed more than anything was a good laugh. That was fine for then, but in this day and age what people need most is relief. It can be difficult for people to sit and watch you talk into a microphone for seven minutes, but those are the sets that build character (for them of course, not for you - you’re good!) At the end of that set, they’ll feel like they’ve made it through something difficult and come out on the other side. That success will boost their self-esteem as deep changes began to happen in other areas of their life as well. They’ll know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they can tolerate uncertainty and discomfort and still come out of it intact. Your set will become a stepping stone for them into a new and fulfilling life.

So, thank you for being different and taking those beautiful risks. You had a great set tonight, you marvelous genius, and don’t let any of the haters out there tell you otherwise.