Pardon Our Progress
Photo by Yan Krukau
Dear Friends of the Library,
We are excited to announce that the library’s vestibule will be getting a brand-new look this year! After discussions and fundraising from our AMAZING local committees, we have signed with a contractor and remodeling will begin on September 4th.
During this period please make alternative arrangements for entering and exiting the library. Please expect additional delays as much of the area will be blocked off for construction. We apologize in advance for any inconvenience, and remind you that the library is not responsible for any incurred damaged, distress, or loss of time, money, or resources due to the vestibule remodeling, and cannot be held liable for increased anxiety, stress, mental health issues related to the construction including, but not limited to: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, any adjustment disorder with accompanying anxiety, depression or mixed presentation, and hallucinations, as well as problems related to ones’ physical health such as headache, nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, cramping, discomfort or sudden death.
We kindly ask that you please pardon our progress as we make these necessary improvements to our library lobby. We really can’t imagine why you wouldn’t be happy for us, unless you’re some kind of monster who despises progress. Is that who you are? A caveman, a Nazi, a hater of humanity? Perhaps you’d prefer we stay in the dark ages with our crusty old vestibule that looks like a room from the 1950s. You’d probably prefer that, wouldn’t you? You ogre. It’d be all the same to you if we just let the whole building go to pot, since you’re obviously so resistant to any kind of change, even something small like this, EVEN THOUGH we’ve clearly demonstrated that it is necessary and prudent that these improvements be done as soon as possible!!!
Any books that have been taken out are still due on the date indicated on your library account. Any late books will incur a fine of $2, which is non-refundable and cannot be exchanged for use at other library events throughout the year such as the Young Readers Kids Camp Safari, or the St. Andrew’s Day Chili Cookoff Raffle and Fundraiser.
If you have ANY questions, please don’t HESISTATE to contact us ANYTIME. After all, why would you hesitate to contact us unless there’s some big thing you’re not telling us? Wouldn’t you just call right away without a second thought? Or are you hesitating a little bit because there’s something you’ve been holding onto all these years and so much time has gone by you’re not quite sure how to say it?
We’ve already said if you have ANY questions you can contact us ANYTIME! Questions related to the library or the lobby construction: we’ll clearly answer those. But additional questions that are unrelated and far outside the scope of our services and expertise? We’ll field those as well. And like we said, you can reach out anytime. If you wake up in a cold sweat at 3am and are bothered by the ending to Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham, and you’re just certain that it’s a prophetic metaphor about the evils of capitalism and its impact on the spiritual lives of factory workers – sure, give us a call! We can’t guarantee that anyone will be working at that hour, but you never know. Perhaps a stray intern will be around to foolishly pick up the phone and sympathetically listen to your ramblings.
We LOOK FORWARD to serving you in the future. In fact, it really takes up a lot of our thought life, just sitting around thinking, dreaming, and looking forward to how we’re going to serve you. When we were younger we’d daydream about our wedding day. It seemed that time would fly by just visualizing all the little details of that day – the ceremony, the reception, family and friends gathered around us to celebrate our special day. Well that day has come and gone, and so now we just spend our time thinking about serving you – scanning your library card, asking if you’d like to receive our newsletter, helping you look up that new David Sedaris book you wanted to check out. This is now our special day.
As always, it’s our pleasure to serve you and we welcome any comments you have on the new vestibule.
Sincerely,
The Library Staff
Euclid Public Library
Euclid, North Carolina
“Where Reading is Fun!”