It must be so nice to get ejected.

Man, it looks amazing.

To just start screaming. Foaming at the mouth, poking your finger into someone else’s chest. And they kick you out.

That’s all it takes to leave work early these days!

Not only that, but no one will mind that you didn’t finish your shift. “He’s got passion!” they’ll say. “He loves his job!” “He loves these kids!” They will give you a standing ovation as you head to the locker room. You’ll be front page news, praised from the rafters for your dedication and demeanor. You burn to do well at work; you eat, drink, and breathe success.

The great thing about getting ejected is that it may not even be work related. Maybe you and your dummy teenager got into an argument before you went to the office, and you’re still smoldering. Or maybe tonight you were supposed to be off somewhere, but your team made the tourney. So now you’re salty about the unpaid overtime.

Maybe you’re a bit parched and want to head in early and have a Gatorade. It could be that simple.

No matter the reason, no one will question the decision you’ve made.

I think it’s great. They should have ejections in all professions. Expand the scope, let the common folk enjoy it as well. Lord knows the rest of us have spent too much time maintaining composure, going home from work at a pre-arranged time, and resolving any disagreements with customers and co-workers quietly.

For example, Bob who works afternoons at the Oil Change is fed up. Really enough is enough. So, he starts throwing tire irons and cursing at the manager. For a moment, they stand chest to chest, sizing each other up while Bob continues to yell. Finally, as if by some unspoken agreement, Bob’s assistant mechanic steps in to hold him back. They gently nudge Bob towards the parking lot where he will get in his car and drive home.

Will Bob be fired? Asked not to come in the next day? Don’t be ludicrous! He wasn’t fired, he was merely ejected.

Instead he’ll be asked about it in front of cameras – “Bob what happened out there today?”

“Well I hate losing and someone lost my favorite socket wrench, …ummm… so obviously in the heat of the moment….ummm….passions running hot. Gotta be better….it’s on me… (pause)…..but at the end of the day, that’s why we do this. Ask any man in here, this is why we love changing oil…so….”

After watching so many others go through this routine, I’m now seeking opportunities to get myself ejected.

There’s a part of the day that is my least favorite – mid-afternoon right after lunchtime. The doldrums set in, it’s a challenging stretch. Usually I have a docket full of monotonous emails and a foreboding sense that my game plan is not working. It feels like the universe is dunking on me. I often get the feeling the day is gonna be a loss.

Could it be possible to just start screaming? Maybe find a random person and poke my finger into their chest? Wave my arms around and let my suit get all ruffled? What if suddenly, out of nowhere a referee in a black and white striped shirt appears? They throw a hand over their head and points towards the exit. I’m gone!

Just imagine.

As I walk off to the locker room, a standing ovation. “What a great employee!”, they’ll say. “He has such intense passion for this job.”

My kids cheer for me as I enter the tunnel, “We love you dad! Thanks for all your hard work!” And as the roar of an approving crowd fades away, I take a sip of purple Gatorade and help myself to a hot towel.

Whew, today was tough, but I did what needed to be done.

Next time you’re upset, maybe you can try it too. Ignore the calls for restraint!

Only mediocre employees stick around until the end of work and complete their responsibilities, but quality folks will get tossed halfway through, to the delight of all those around them.

Ejected