生男生女、一样好生

-Wall poster in China

(Rough translation: birth a boy, birth a girl, both are an equally good birth)

In 2007, I went to Laos and taught Mandarin in an International school. In the K-6 there were only two Chinese teachers: me, from mainland China and Candice from Taiwan.

I guess, because we were in a foreign country and were the only two Chinese people in the office, Candice and I naturally enjoyed talking with each other. We talked about lots of stuff: lesson plans, the difficulties of teaching such a hard language to foreign kids, life in mainland and Taiwan, we even went to a café one time and talked about our lives over a cool drink.

Candice was hard-working, kind and positive about life. But when she shared with me how she was treated by her parents growing up and how her parents valued her younger brother more than her just because she was a girl, I could see that she had been hurt and was still hurting. I could tell that she held bitterness. At that moment, I felt sorry for her. And immediately and naturally, I recognized that her and I came from the same culture, even though I was from mainland and her Taiwan. Until I met Candice, I didn’t realize that kind of discrimination against girls also happened in Taiwan.

One year later, I left Laos. And a little after that, I went to Africa. And then in 2022, I came to Beijing.

One night, my wife (who was my girlfriend at the time) and I attended a Bible study fellowship at a couple’s house. There were seven or eight people. When Sister Xiong shared, she cried. Tears flew down her face. She told us that how she was treated badly during her childhood and how her mom favored her brother more than her. All of us became silent and felt sorry for her. She sobbed out of her misery and we all listened.

Some sister gave her tissues and tried to comfort her. I thought to myself, what a great fellowship, how healing this was.

Later, I found out that Sister Xiong was also suffering in her marriage. Not everyone who is mistreated in their early years of life necessarily has difficulty in marriage, but I could tell that if a girl was not loved by her family, just because she was a girl, she was more likely to end up in toxic relationships as an adult.

Last year, my wife got pregnant and we were asking each other: do you hope it’s a boy or a girl? Both of us generally said that either is fine, we’ll love the baby no matter what the gender is. However, we still had our preferences. My wife hoped that it would be a girl.

Then I struggled, because I hoped that it would be a boy. But I loved my wife, so I didn’t want her to be disappointed if it turned out to be a boy. I shared my internal wrestling and explained to her why I hoped that it would be a boy. I told her that it was not because I thought a boy is more valuable or wiser than a girl. Absolutely not.

Actually, if it was a girl I feared I’d have no idea how to deal with a daughter! I told my wife, “You see, I don’t understand girls, I never had a girlfriend in the past, for so many years until in my 30s, when I met you. I tried to date girls but failed a thousand times due to my incompetence!”

I felt inadequate to be a good father to a girl. If it was a boy, I felt that I could handle him a little better, for I myself am a man and know how a man thinks and acts.

What should I do? How could I restore my peace? I asked some other married Christian men who had children whether they had had a preference. After some prayers, I felt peace. God’s will be done, not mine.

I finally arrived at a place where I strongly hoped it would be a baby girl. I knew my wife was going to be so happy to have a daughter and I was excited myself.

I experienced the power of prayer. I no longer felt inadequate to raise a daughter.

And so, three months ago, my wife delivered the baby in the hospital.

It was a boy.

We got a son, my wife and I were both happy.

After the baby was born, my wife was put in a bed and a male staff, who was in his 50s, was wheeling her to the maternity ward. Nearing the ward, some started people asking, “Is it a boy or girl?”

My wife and I answered, “A boy.”

They said, “Oh, that’s good, boys are good.”

My wife and I said, “Girls are good too, as good as boys.” And inside me, I meant it.

But to my shock and surprise, the male worker who was pushing the bed commented loudly, “Girls and boys are just as good? Don’t lie to yourself! Who doesn’t want a boy? If giving birth to a girl, you…(I forgot what he said after this)

But I could tell that he wasn’t only responding to me and my wife’s comments, he was also speaking to those around us.

According to Bible, men and women were both made in the image of God.

“Then God said, ‘Let us make human beings in our image, after our likeness.”

-Genesis 1: 26

And in Genesis 2:18
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

Years ago, I read a comment to the effect that, a ‘helper’ here doesn’t mean the person who helps is weaker or in a lower position. The word helper here is the same word used to describe LORD God who helped His people the Israelites through His mighty power.

May everyone truly knows the value of a girl, daughter, or woman and treasure them and don’t discriminate against them just because they are female.

Birth a Boy, Birth a Girl