Watch this 2 minute clip or you will likely have no clue what this piece is about:

I wish that Dan Campbell was my dad. My kids wish that Dan Campbell was their dad. Even my own dad wishes Dan Campbell was his dad. Right dad?

Can you imagine Dan their Dad rolling up to the preschool for afternoon pickup in his ten year old Toyota Highlander? He’s all hyped up on multiple pots of coffee and a case of Red Bull. Toddlers are running up to their parents giving hugs and showing off their hideous artwork. “That’s a nice f%&^in’ necklace you made out of noodles Zipporah!! I’m so damn proud of you man. That’s what champions do man, that’s the heart of a champion.”

He glances around the room: “What is that kid doing over there in the corner? He crappin his pants? There you go kid you go on and do it or whatever you’re doing over there in the corner!”

Immediately they hop in the car and Dan their Dad drives over to Abner’s school, where he informs his dad that another kid has been bullying him. “What should I do dad?” asks Abner.

“Well son, you gotta kick em in the teeth, and when they punch you back, smile at them. And when they knock you down, get up and on the way up bite a kneecap off and then standup and then it’ll take two more shots to knock you down, and on the way back up take their other kneecap and then when it takes three shots to knock you down, take another hunk out of em, and before long you’ll be the last one standing.”

You’d never be bullied if Dan was your Dad. “My Dad can beat up your Dad?” Dan your Dad is shaped like the Undertaker and will choke slam the other kid’s dad through one of those old church folding tables WWE style.

I feel like my own Dad would’ve enjoyed having Dan be his Dad. Can you imagine all the loving encouragement, the tear-filled speeches? Being yelled at because he how much you’re capable of and then being reminded “I love you…man.”

Oh and the Game Balls! Imagine all the Game Balls Dan your Dad would’ve handed out. It may seem silly, but Game Balls are the bedrock foundation of a developing young man’s self-esteem. Parents didn’t hand out Game Balls much in the 50s and 60s. That World War II generation just didn’t have access to those kinds of emotions back then.

And some of you old fuddy duds may complain “EVERYBODY gets a Game Ball nowadays!! That’s why this new generation is so SOFT! We never got a Game Ball when I was a kid.”

But, be honest, don’t you wish you did?

To my own father I ask, Dad, imagine Dan your Dad following you around all day, shouting positive affirmations everywhere you go “You talk about pressure!? You LIVE in pressure man! Showing up to work day in and day out, that’s where you thrive MAN.”

It would’ve been great.

Finally, Dan gathers us all around, three generations of Fralicks, just passing out high energy hyper masculine encouragement left and right. Nothing goes unnoticed, even little mundane actions.

“...and Drew, at Kroger today finding the deli meat that was on sale instead of the stuff they prominently display in the front…that’s what it takes MAN, it’s not happenstance! You guys are warriors , you’re f#$*ckin’ warriors man… good job today!!”

What an incredible atmosphere!