One way to stop suffering is to spread it around.

We could send out mailers informing people they’ve been selected for injury duty:

(read below for full text)

Attention Resident,

This letter is to inform you that you’ve been selected for injury duty. Please fill out the attached form and return it before __(date)__. Failure to comply with this request may result in a fine or penalty. The night before your date, please check the website or call the after hours number to see if your group number has been selected. If your number comes up, please report to the address listed on the form at 9:00 AM the morning of. Injury duty means you have been selected to experience some of the world’s suffering, which is a fundamental right in our society and an important fulfillment of civic duty. You will not be required to experience the full measure of the world’s suffering, however you will experience a small portion. This will allow their suffering to become your suffering.

Examples of suffering include, but are not limited to: (a) removal of a toe or cutting off of a finger; (b) being shot in the leg; (c) being locked in a shed for several months with no explanation, only to be told afterwards “it was all a big misunderstanding” (d) removal of your children for the weekend, having them taken to an undisclosed location (in this event they will be returned to you within 3-5 business days)

Unfortunately, at this time we are unable to provide exemptions from injury duty. Even if you happen to be a world leader or high ranking politician, your presence is mandatory. The only exception allowed is if you have pre arranged the military invasion of another country during the time period that you have been scheduled for injury duty. Please provide documentation on the attached form describing the nature of your invasion and approximate dates of invasion/occupation. We will do our best to accommodate your special circumstances. You will not be required to report for injury duty, however you will be required to invade the country yourself (yourself and any members of your household listed on Form C). As of __(date) __ there will no longer be provisions allowing someone else’s kids to go to war for you. You will be required to absorb a small portion of the suffering you’ll inflict in lieu of injury duty.

Due to the large backlog of cases requiring members, we are no longer able to accept religious exemptions from injury duty either. If during your scheduled time you had previously arranged to attend religious services, please fill out the attached Form D and provide a description of services, as well as times/dates.

As it says on many communion tables: “Do this in remembrance of me.” And it’s so easy to forget, because someone’s problems aren’t your problems. Therefore, you may be able to receive credits towards injury duty for attending religious services given the following requirements are met:

During Communion: Jesus Juice and Unleavened-Bread-Salvation-Pills have been replaced with goblets filled with actual blood from actual saints.
Communion Crackers are actual flesh.

Religious services of this nature meet the requirements for Injury Duty Credits as listed in Appendix C paragraph 9 of the relevant documents.

As we strive to make society kinder, it is important not to insulate ourselves from the pain of others. Injury Duty is a crucial endeavor that enables the maintaining of compassion and empathy. We thank you for your cooperation and look forward to seeing you on __(date)__ as you fulfill this vital task of remembering.

Kind regards,

Department of Injury Duty